The Encouragement of High Order Grumbling – July 1, 2024

LEARN A LITTLE:

The Encouragement of High Order Grumbling

For some people, discouragement seems to be a way of life. Is it perhaps in their genes or their wiring? I’m not sure. What is apparent is that negative thoughts and worries are the dominant feature of their lives. It’s no wonder that they experience life as getting worse instead of better and succumb to self-defeat.

For others discouragement is something that happens on the way to the theater or on Monday morning after a staff meeting. It intrudes in our lives from many different directions, sometimes in the middle of the night, sometimes during the light of day. Its sources are many.

A Loss of Energy

Of all the necessary elements for successful leadership, the variable most likely to be ignored, but that probably matters most, is having sufficient energy to keep on going—in the good times and the bad, on Monday as well as Friday, in the beginning as well as in the end. The truth is that without energetic leaders, organizations become perilous places.

A Lack of Direction

Not knowing where you are going can be a frightening experience— especially when others are following you. And it’s easy to become lost today. One may journey into the Artificial Intelligence Forest and never be seen again. Others disappear behind the many piles of insignificant paperwork and lose sight of the challenges they must face. It is easy for an organization to get lost when corporate fog has replaced the clarity of the organization’s vision. Turning your brights on won’t help, either.

The Experience of Failure

Not all of life is a walk in the Victory Garden. The ugly truth is that each of us fails at something every day—some of us more times than others. And when we fail, it is easy to begin to lose our confidence. We begin to think that we can no longer do it, perhaps we’re too far behind. Perhaps if worrying replaces our spirit of optimism, discouragement sets in.

It is a rare person who does not appreciate genuine encouragement Indeed, in the face of discouragement—whether by a loss of energy, loss of direction or a failure—to be emotionally bolstered, supported, heartened or affirmed is to experience hope. Encouragement may come from many sources, such as a colleague, supervisor, spouse or friend. Encouragement may come through a homily or sermon, in the words of a novelist or poet, through meditation or prayer.

Encouragement may also be found when one is not looking for it. Such was the case when I read Richard Farson’s book, Management of the Absurd (1996), a collection of thoughts that illustrate the paradoxes of leadership. In a short chapter entitled “The Better Things Are, the Worse They Feel” Farson shares the paradoxical insight that “Improvement in human affairs leads not to satisfaction but discontent, albeit a higher-order discontent than might have existed before.” Motivation for change, growth and progress, therefore, comes from the development of higher quality dissatisfaction.

What encouraged me in reflecting upon this bit of leadership wisdom was the relevance to organizational grumbling. All of us are grumblers at one time or another, and organizations are made up of grumblers because they are made up of people.

One is struck with the organizational application. Don’t worry whether or not people grumble. They will. Instead, listen for the content of their complaining, the quality of their gripes. Based on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, Farson suggests a “hierarchy of organizational needs” that identifies the least healthy organizations as those whose members engage in low-level grumbling that express basic deficiencies, for example: “It’s too hot,” “My pay stinks,” “The workday is too long,” and so on.

Organizations functioning at the next level have grumblers who are no longer concerned only about themselves, but also others. Their concerns may include the way other employees are treated, or safety and environmental conditions.

The healthiest organizations have an added dimension, “meta-grumblers,” those who deal with their need for self-actualization. Farson shares two examples: “I don’t feel that my talents are being fully utilized,” and “I don’t feel that I’m in on things enough around here.”

“There lies the absurdity. Only in an organization in which people are in on things and their talents are being utilized would it occur to them to complain about those issues.”

So, what was so encouraging? To be reminded that in all organizations, whether large or small, urban or rural, accredited or not, people grumble. And to know that improvement does not bring an end to grumbling but moves an organization from lower to higher-order discontent and higher-order grumbling.

LAUGH A LITTLE:

REFLECT A LITTLE:

READ A LITTLE:

Humble: Free Yourself from the Traps of a
Narcissistic World
Daryl Van Tongeren, PhD
(The Experiment, 2022)

Written by Daryl Van Tongeren, a social psychologist, academic and researcher, Humble is a book that will probably be most appreciated by those readers who are trying to do better, and have a greater desire to understand themselves and their relationships. There is much to learn, especially about increasing our humility, but it is not as easy to read as the “do this, don’t do that self-improvement book.”

The author offers us a great deal to think about, I believe he makes a compelling case that humility helps us flourish, and as recent research indicates, “people who are humble fare better when adversity strikes.”

What follows are helpful insights and “takeaways” from the book’s ten chapters.

• “The road to humility starts with accurate self-knowledge: seeing ourselves and the world honestly.”

• Self-awareness is key to knowing yourself. “People who are self-aware prioritize learning more about themselves and understanding why they do what they do…. They are effectively introspective, motivated by a desire to understand themselves better each day.”

• “There are two main foes to awareness and acceptance: shame and a desire for unrealistically high self-esteem.”

• “Humility is the middle road, on which one side is the ditch of arrogant self-aggrandizement, and on the other side is the ditch of unwarranted self-abasement.”

• “Because humble people restrain their egos and are thoughtful of the needs and well-being of those around them, their relationships flourish…. Humility is a wellspring of positive, pro-relational features…. A humble person has an accurate view of themselves— not deflated or self-defeating.”

• “Humility is a common if not necessary ingredient in groups and companies that achieve considerable success. It’s a foundational element of transformational leadership.”

• “Humility is often the most necessary where it is most challenging to practice, as in positions of power…. When an individual has power, humility helps keep them in check.”

• “Nothing great was ever accomplished alone.”

• The author shares an important insight—seeking feedback, reflecting on it, and accepting it helped him change his life. But here is an often-overlooked factor, it made a big difference how the feedback was offered and who it was from.

• “Receiving feedback is the first step to cultivating a life of humility.”

• “We aren’t always noble in our motivation to perceive the world accurately and don’t always want people to tell us like it is.”

• “The feedback that is the most critical is often most neglected.”

• “We want to give the impression that we’re moral without having to do the hard work of actually being moral…. We need to be wary of deceiving ourselves into thinking that we’re being moral when we’re simply looking for ways to send that message publicly.”

• “Empathy is central to humility.”

• “Think about the four kinds of humility: relational, intellectual, cultural, and existential. Ask yourself, in what ways am I
• working to by humbler in my relationships?
• being open to new ideas, insights, and perspectives?
• seeking to learn from others and appreciate their culture?
• appreciating the expansive nature of the world and feeling grateful for my smallness?”

• “We should start doing hard things more often. Practice leads to persistence.”

• “Humility gives life meaning, in which each moment matters, where we choose love over fear and authenticity over perfection, where we are curious to learn and open to grow, and where we are unafraid of the hard work required to bring about a just future. And when we don’t know when our last day will come, humility ensures that we’re making the most of each moment, living more authentically and lovingly, and making the lives of others better and richer each day.”

Until next time,
Art Dykstra

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